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Aug. 15th, 2006 @ 04:34 am
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I had one of those zombie dreams I get once in a while. It was freakier than usual which is why I'm up so early. It was one of those dreams you're waking up in and in the dream I woke up in the car during a car-ride. I was then pushed into wal-mart where a swat team was fighting off something on the roof. When I asked what was going on the only response is that they had to hold off the old people and that they were moving fast. I didn't understand, which I should have because the glass doors and windows were busted open like a rampage went down. So then swat members started falling from the ceiling and saying they're too fast. Then zombies started coming in. They were coming in at that jerky time-frame speed where they're at the door then they're in the room then they surround you. Then I felt a bite on my shoulder and woke up. I haven't been able to go back to sleep since so I guess I'll play a game or something. |
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Aug. 8th, 2006 @ 07:48 pm
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So either Jacob complex is when you think you're me, or it's what I have and I'm the first. hahaha.
What kind of disease are you?
Jacob: | Jacob is caused by sponges.
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Jacob complex makes you think you're important. You aren't.
To cure Jacob, write bad goth poetry. | |
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I had this stupid dream that Michelle came to visit, or moved back. As usual, she had drama in her life and I was there to listen. She was broke, kicked out of her house, and wanted to go back to nicholls. Naturally she comes to my house for some reason, so we talk and after that it was like she was my friend again; the way she was before she started going back to Texas when we were good friends, but really confusing because we liked eachother. The different thing, this time, was that I don't care for her that way anymore. So I told her about Sara and she did her usual "I'm happy for you" thing she does when she was hoping for something different. Then we got on with our lives and talked about things we've seen in the past years. It was like we were actual friends again wrather than just good acquaintances. It's kind of weird that I had to tell her about Sara since she knows about her now.
I haven't thought about her since very much since she moved away, so why would I have such a weird dream like that? Maybe she just reminds me of the days where I wasn't really myself. I was just trying to fit the mold for some reason. That was stupid of me. I don't think she really knows who I am, other than the nice guy that everybody sees at first because I listen. I guess it was just some stupid dream. Her haircut wasn't right anyway; it wasn't her style. Hahaha, actually, it was like Melissa's hair on Michelle's body and that's kind of gross because Melissa is someone I completely resent as where Michelle is just someone that faded away like used soap, or a fart in the elevator. I think maybe the soap simily makes more sense because I never disliked her (like I would dislike a fart in the elevator); I only dislike the drama she would tell me towards the end of knowing her. That was the time where she'd only call me if something bad happened or if she missed me. And if she missed me it'd be dramatic because she'd dredge up old feelings that I didn't need to feel.
That's enough of me ranting, write it off as a bad dream if you want. I just felt I needed to write out what that dream was all about. |
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It is the first day, I get up early. It is a challenge, I'm usually lazy. I eat some donuts, and make some pudding, then I found out, no jello pudding. The first jello pudding of the morning, it's like one hundred bucks. I endorce jello fucking pudding, because my career is gone. The first jello pudding of the morning, it makes me go skibidibopbadoobop. It's very close now, on the snack isl, there are some offbrands, but I hate those. The first Jello Pudding of the morning, is why I'm Bill Cosby. There won't be any second sturings, because I eat it really fast. I'm much to hungry too have friends, no jello would complicate my plans. So I guess I'll eat this bowl alone, all alone while sexing on the phone..... |
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Our Father Lord in Heaven: "S'up God?"
Thow by my name: "You're like....God and stuff"
Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven: "If you say we need to we will, we're so lost."
Give us this day our daily bread: "Yo mother fucker I'm hungry!"
And forgive us as traspassers: "......My bad."
As we forgive those who traspass against us: ".......except that one mother fucker, I hate him."
Lead us not to temptation: "Dude I really want to fuck the girl next door but she's not 18 yet."
And deliver us from evil: "Hey bruh, can you keep the bookies off my back one more day?"
Ah Men: "That's all, late'ah nigga!"
yes I made this up, no I didn't find it at some weird website. I was just thinking about how much religeon made us remember the stupid prayer. I haven't gone to religeon since I was eight. I don't pray, I just remember this stupid prayer they made us do every day. I believe god can exist but I doubt it, and I don't care if s/he exists. |
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Man, I am so paranoid about Sara drinking at that party. Conor wanting to make out with her, that perve that jerks off to the thought of her being in the same area, the fact that she kept drinking even though she said she had enough. Why am I so worried? Because I love her. It's not like that "I love you" love, it's love-love. That love that you don't want to get knocked out. When you want to be with someone so badly you can't just sit around and hope that person's ok. It's to the point that I couldn't see my life being without her in it. My Paranoya from all the past relationships makes me think she'll have drunken sex/makeout/groping. My mind does nothing but torture me over things that probably are impossible because she loves me too much to do such a thing. But even still, my mind plays these tricks on me. Taunting me, urging me, driving me crazy with these ideas of someone else taking away something that feels so good, so right. It scares me. It scares me in a way that I've never been scared before. I've been in accidents. I've flone into another country. I've trusted another person. Out of those three things, it's that trust that scares me. That idea that the safety net will break, that I will fall onto that hard and cold ground under that net. That net is only as strong as our minds make it. I would never-ever do anything to hurt my girlfriend. I would never cheat on her, I wouldn't do anything if she thought it'd be horrible. I'd never do something to make her nervouse unless I had to. And the fact that I HAVE to believe she feels the same way eats me alive. All the what-if's pop into my head at once like a burage of bullets. I don't want to break. Breaking hurts, and then you have to rebuild. I'm afraid of breaking, but I'm so fragile for someone who scares on few things. My Achili's heal, my love, my girlfriend, my fiance, my future wife, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one girl that makes everything feel better even when I feel like crap. The one girl I would hold when we sleep and feel like I've done it forever. This girl makes me feel so happy, and drives me so crazy. This one girl is my achili's heal, but also, my favorite person and coming to be my strength. I hope today when I wake up with the sun that she says she had fun. That everything's ok, that she didn't get in trouble, that I shouldn't be so paranoid, that I was over reacting. I hope every time my mind plays these tricks is that I'm just over reacting. Her telling me that makes everything feel better and makes all the crazy ideas float away for a while. She's so innocent to me, because our love isn't just a physical attraction. It's something that let's me stay with her for hours on end and not get sick of her. I like being with her, she makes me who I am in a way. All those girls in the past with exceptions of few broke me, then I had to rebuild. This feeling makes me so sick sometimes. It's so stupid to think these things, but on the other hand it would but stupid to not anticipate them. Even if she made a mistake, I couldn't leave her. She's like the glue that holds my pieces together. That's how long we've been together, we're meshed. I want tomorrow to come. And I want everything to be ok. 3:12, only 4 hours until sun-rise. I wish I could sleep to make it go faster. I guess I'll keep trying to sleep. I'll leave my computer on in case Sara wakes up. Seeing as she falls asleep around 3:00-5:00 she will probably wake up soon because she's been Idle since 10:30. I must be insane for calculating such things but I want everything to be ok. I'm such a wreck without her.
Jan. 21st, 2006 @ 02:59 am
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Ground Rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic. - Topic: "Five Weird Habits Of Yourself" and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and list them. Pass it around.
1. I can make people laugh for no reason if I do voices of famous people
2. When I'm home alone and I'm taking a shower I sing
3. When something is broken I have to fix it or it drives me insane but if I have nothing to fix I get
bored and sometimes pull stuff appart and fix them again
4. If I'm laying down and I'm bored and the power goes out I make up songs and sometimes make paodies
5. The weirdest thing about me is that I take stories about people that I hear and make up complete fictional stories that do not fit
their personalities but it makes the person that told the story laugh.
Dec. 18th, 2005 @ 08:12 pm
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XD sara you're so damn kinky, mpanther I don't know you that well, and as for Wynter and Sara what the fuck are you trying to tell me on my lawn!?
Dec. 18th, 2005 @ 08:09 pm
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( DO EET )
Nov. 6th, 2005 @ 06:21 pm
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Ever find yourself woundering about the people you purposely try to not keep in touch with because the relationship (friendship, love, enemy, whatever) went a-rye? I do this from time to time, but I don't understand why. The people I detatch myself from were either jerks, drama queens, or they just generally annoyed the fuck out of me. This one friend, Erin, she's from New York, and we got along for a little while, and I can't help but feel that our friendship was based on a mountain of lies. When she "confessed" how she felt about me, I believed her, then she went after other guys like the "challenge" and "thrill" of getting me was gone. But for some reason, after all that bullshit, I wounder what becomes of her. She is human too after all. Maybe there was something I could do to prevent that friendship from ging wrong. I never knew what love was, only assumed what it felt like. But what I liked was actually the attention? Foolish children we all were, antention craving, "everything is their fault not mine", "I didn't do anything", "It's your fault"... Why were we all so foolish? Some day I'll read this, and think "why? why was I so stupid?" and I'll never know, so I'll keep asking. That's all we really do, never finding a real answer. What if this world's based on a lie? Up isn't what's above your head, down isn't what's below your feet, left is someone's right, right is someone's left, your blue is someone's green. Yellow isn't a coolor, it's a form of bravory. So what are we? What is intelligence, what is life?
Oct. 7th, 2005 @ 10:44 pm
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